Separation and Divorce

This week we talked about divorce and step families. It was really interesting because Brother Williams wife came in to take questions because she has been divorced. She had two little boys when she and Brother Williams got married and their love story is so cute! You could tell she thought her first marriage was a complete fail, in fact she said she knew she shouldn't marry her first husband a few minutes before they got married but she was pressured into it and married him anyways. The question came up when she thought she should introduce her sons to Brother Williams. She said she knew when their relationship was going to go somewhere. I thought that was so sweet. She knew that this man was not going to leave her and was going to be a huge support to them. Once they got married they said it was a very very hard first two years with getting readjusted. Divorce is always a hard thing. Something interesting I learned was that when there is a divorce the children go to the mother because the father has to work and won't be there for the children. He also makes more money, generally, and he is better able to pay child support. Talking about all of the negatives of divorce makes me so sad and makes me want to work so hard at making my marriage a good solid one that will last for eternity. That being said, it is also a blessing to be divorced sometimes. My aunt got a divorce and it was the greatest blessing for her because her husband cheated on her and really did not treat her nice. She still has a hard time with him but loves not being attached to someone that she cannot stand. This is why it is so important to really get to know the person you are going to marry, you are stuck with them for eternity!

The Joys of Parenting!

This was the most interesting topic we discussed all semester in my opinion. The first thing we talked about was the purpose of parenting. I wrote down the basics about parenting and a girl raised her hand and said we will raise our children to be Gods. What a thought that is! That really resonated with me. Another thought is that my parents are raising me to be a God, if that doesn't make you want to improve then I don't know what will. Some other responses about what the responsibilities are parents were to create eternal families, help us understand God better and all the power he possess as well as providing for their basic needs. I came to a realization this week. We watched a video about a teenager who liked a girl but the girl only wanted him for his schoolwork. He didn't know what to do so his mom asked him questions of how he thinks he should solve the problem. I realized this was not the case for me and my parents. My mom was the main disciplinary and she would fix my problems for me. I came to her about everything and she would say, "This is what you need to do Kellie" and thats what I did and it always solved my problems. Now, I still have a hard time thinking for myself and making decisions on my own. I also learned that I learned my parenting skills through observing my mom and my sisters and other people around me. My sister and brother and I used to play house when we were little and my sister was always the mom and I was the daughter and she would tell me what to do and I saw how she acted and I gathered from that that I needed to act like that as a mom.  It was very interesting. I am really excited to be a parent but I know I still have a lot of growing up to do and fix things in my life to improve myself so I can be a better parent.

Maternal Employment.....good or bad?

This week we focused on maternal employment and the benefits and problems associated with it. On a personal note, I think women should stay home with the children and be homemakers. I understand if there is not enough money and the women needs to work, but if they have means to where the women does not have to work then she should not. We discussed that one of the main reasons women feel they need to work is so they can be equal with men. I understand this but I really believe that men and women are equal, the man works and the women takes care of the home, they are both a lot of work and therefore they are equalizers in my opinion. It was interesting to see the negative outcomes for women staying home and working. Some of these outcomes include, children being less able to connect with people and the world, more aggression at school, depression, etc. Some positive outcomes include children receive a higher education, are less depressed and have better and long lasting relationships with others. I honestly believe that women create stronger bonds with their children when they stay home. Children these days need this close bond at home because schools these days are getting pretty brutal and kids need some place to turn for peace. We also talked about making the home a safe place for children. They truly need to feel that they are loved and cared for and needed at home. I felt this way growing up and loved having my mom there all the time. I remember my mom worked for a time and she was a nurse that worked the night shift. I was about ten years old and my other siblings were still at home. I remember approaching my mom one day and telling her that I missed her being home and she quit her job so she could be a full time mom. Children have a huge impact on their parents if their parents will listen. Looking back I think it is cool that I recognized I needed my mom. I'm glad that I have such an incredible mother who has sacrificed so much just to make her family happy. I love with all of my heart and she will never know how much I really appreciate her.

Counseling as Families and The History of Work.

We talked about counseling as families this week and it was really interesting. We read talks from Elder Ballard about counseling as church members and interrelated that to families. First off, it was really neat to hear how the quorum of the twelve counsels together. An interesting tid bit, when these wonderful fifteen men meet they always have either pie or hand made chocolates before they begin their meetings. It is symbolic of the last supper and how Jesus fed the 12. I learned that it is very important to express your love to your spouse and other family members often and not just every once in a while, every one needs to know that they are loved and cared for. 
Along with counseling, we discussed the history of work and the roles of the spouses. It is common knowledge that men are the breadwinners and women stay at home with the children and tend to their needs. Personally, I love this lifestyle and hope I am lucky enough to attain it someday. Many people are against it and want women to be equal with men so they join the workforce. I think that is silly. Men and women are equal and they each have their respective duties. Women who choose to work instead of take care of their children tend to lose important ground with their children. They send their children to day care and don't spend the appropriate time needed as mother and child. I think it is so sad that so many mothers will let complete strangers take care of and practically raise their children because the mom wants to feel like she is contributing to the family by working. I will not allow that to happen in my life if I am able to stay home with my children as my husband works, that's just the way it is going to be.

Family Crises

Family Crises happen to every family. Some families experience more severe crises than others, such as death of a parent/spouse or death of a child, abuse of any sort, challenged children and so on. These all cause stress on the family and they must learn to cope with this effectively. This week we mostly stayed on the topic of abuse. As hard as it is to discuss, it is very important for people to understand so they know how to help others cope. Abuse is more than just physically hurting someone, it is damaging their soul. The one being abused feels like they are worth nothing and they have to feel this way. This is NEVER  the case. It was really sad to learn that abused people date creeps to make sense of the violent acts that were taken on them when they were younger. Personally, I feel like abuse should never take place but I know people in my life that have been abused and they have made a good experience out of it. They see it is wrong and want to make their life and the lives of their children wonderful so their children never have to go through what they went through.
Crises actually make relationships stronger. Those involved learn to pull together and figure out how to get through the problem together. However, this is not always the case, some people pull apart and turn to drugs or alcohol to ease their burden, this only makes things worse. Learning to work as a team is extremely beneficial in these circumstances.
This is just an interesting fact, our need for human interaction is greater than our need for food and water.

Sex Education

This week we talked about sex education. When is it appropriate to talk about sex to your children? Some say as young as 7 or 8 and others will say 14 or 15 years old. Personally, I never really had the sit down sex talk, I learned pretty much everything at the end of middle school and all throughout high school. It is difficult to ask myself this question because by the time I have children sex will be so prominent I will have to teach them at a young age. We also talked about sex being taught in the public schools. I was not taught about sex until I was in middle school and today this subject is being brought up in elementary schools. I read and article for this class that talked about students had an assignment where they had to go get prices of condoms and see which one was the best. To me it sounds like this school is not preventing sex but encouraging it as long as it's safe. Being a member of the church we know the best way to prevent sex is simple, don't have it! I want the school that my children go to to teach that sex is sacred and should be kept for marriage instead of teaching them the safe ways of having sex. I plan to encourage my children to be as open as they want with my husband and I as far as sex goes. I want them to have correct answers about this subject rather than learning it from their friends as school who know nothing on the subject.

Marriage

This week we talked all about marriage and the steps that lead into marriage. The first step to marriage is dating. Dating is how we get to know the other person and their likes and dislikes and from that we see if we want to continue dating them. If so, we court them, which in today's terms that is exclusive dating. Dating/courting someone can easily lead into marriage, that is why we have to be careful. My mom always tells me I need to be careful who I date because I will marry whoever I date. Our teacher told us that we should see our boyfriend or girlfriend in every season of the year to know how they handle certain situations.
After someone gets engaged they need to have a short engagement, three or four months because that is the time that most people "slip up." I feel this is the time Satan really gets a hold of the couple. He wants so badly to destroy the family that he will tempt us so much during this time. During engagement the couple plans a wedding and prepares for a marriage. A wedding is just the ceremony that seals the couple together but the marriage is the act of living together and learning how to work as a unit with each other and with children. Once the couple is married they have to learn how to balance a budget, which is a major reason for divorce, and they need to learn how to separate routines such as laundry, dishes, etc. I think this is important to start with your roommates because you learn how to depend on others. I really hope when I'm married I will be able to handle the responsibilities assigned to me and that my husband and I can learn and grow together and stay together forever.

Marriage, Dating and cohabitation

This week we talked about marriage and dating and cohabitation. It was interesting to note that 80% of the american population cohabitates. There are reasons why people cohabitate and some of those reasons are because they don't want the sting of lonliness, its an alternative to marriage, and pre-marriage. People often don't know that cohabitation is wrong. Many people think that cohabitating is a way to prepare for marriage. People want to cohabitate becuase then they can leave the relationship whenever they want because there is no commitment.
I also have come to learn that I should not be so choosy when I date people. A leader once told me that you can always train your husbands! Dating and marriage are essential to God's plan. Marriage and beginning a family is what the plan of salvation is all about. I am excited to begin a family of my own and fulfill God's plan.

Marriage, Dating and cohabitation

This week we talked about marriage and dating and cohabitation. It was interesting to note that 80% of the american population cohabitates. There are reasons why people cohabitate and some of those reasons are because they don't want the sting of lonliness, its an alternative to marriage, and pre-marriage. People often don't know that cohabitation is wrong. Many people think that cohabitating is a way to prepare for marriage. People want to cohabitate becuase then they can leave the relationship whenever they want because there is no commitment.
I also have come to learn that I should not be so choosy when I date people. A leader once told me that you can always train your husbands! Dating and marriage are essential to God's plan. Marriage and beginning a family is what the plan of salvation is all about. I am excited to begin a family of my own and fulfill God's plan.

Gender and Same-Sex Attraction

This week was all about gender differences and gay and lesbian families/relationships. To be honest, it was kind of awkward to talk about this, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Even though I felt out of my element I feel for people who are struggling with same sex attraction. We discussed in class that many people who are homosexual  usually had to deal with abuse of various types. It was sad for me to read about and discuss this topic because it was so closely related to abuse. I learned that many girls who were molested when they were little girls became lesbians when they got older. Although this is a touchy subject and very sad, I still do not nor will not ever agree with this lifestyle, especially marriage of gay couples. I have a firm belief in the family proclamation to the world and the things contained therein. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and it will always be that way. Gay marriage is Satan's tactic to destroy the family.
Regarding gender, our class talked about the differences between men and women. Men are task-oriented and women are detail-oriented. Men, for the most part, like manly activities, they enjoy playing aggressively and being competitive. Women, for the most part, would rather talk about their feelings and be the nurturers of the family. However different men and women are, they all need the same thing, love. Each person needs love and needs to feel that they are accepted by their families and peers. Forming strong relationships with the right people at the right time is crucial to this process. I believe strong family relationships is the best base work for future relationships.

What is a family?

A big question this week in my Family Relations class this week was what is a family? Each of us came to an agreement that a family is a man and a woman that is legally married and sealed in the temple for time and all eternity and begin to have children. This brought up the big question of gay and lesbian families. Are they functional and alright with the views of society? Can children effectively be brought up in homosexual families. There were different answers thrown around but for me personally I still do not really have a set in stone answer. I want to say no because I just think homosexual families are wrong but that does not mean they can't effectively raise a happy family. I would rather families be the usual mom and dad but with the way the world is going that is being lessened each day. For the most part I think the children raised in these families can be raised to be successful and happy adults but at the same time I think their homosexual tendencies are raised dramatically. I will never agree with homosexual families but there is nothing I can do about it. Society plays a huge role in this as well. People justify things to make it seem like nothing is wrong when in reality it goes against most peoples morals.

Family Systems/Theories

This week in my Family Relations class we discussed family systems/theories. There are four types of theories, systems, exchange, conflict, and symbolic theory. If I were to define which category my family fell under it would be exchange theory. Each member of my family is very kind and willing to serve, we often do nice things for each other. It is kind of an unspoken rule that you do something nice for them in return. I love that we have this in our family. I feel like we all get along better because we live in a serviceable family. An example that was given in class was when your mom calls to make sure that you are safe or you got your package, essentially to alleviate her worries towards you. This has my mom written all over it. If I have to drive long distances I have to call her on my way out, halfway through the drive, and when I get there. I feel like families that have legitimate worries about each other are caring families. We also talked about the most important relationships in families. We all came to the conclusion that if the mom and dad do not have a healthy relationship then the rest of the family will not fall together correctly. I firmly believe that. I think that "If mom isnt happy then nobody is happy" applies to this. If there is a rift between the parents then the children will sometimes learn to solve their own problems with conflict because that is how they have seen their parents  do it. I am grateful for parents who get along and love each other. I can honestly say that I have never once heard my parents yell at each other. They know how to resolve things civilly and keep the spirit in our home. 

My opinion on the importance of children

There were many topics that were discussed this week in my Family Relations class. There was one topic that really pulled me in. We talked a lot about children and delaying having children. I understand if you find you partner later in life and you have to wait to have kids, but if you are married and you purposely wait to have kids I find that selfish. The Lord commanded us to multiple and replinsh the earth, why go against His word. I guess I am just one of those mormon girls who is dying to have kids but I still think it is our duty as children of God to have a family. My family foundations class goes along with this topic. My teacher said that the plan of salvation is all about families and learning to become more like God. He said something that was very profound to me, he said, parenthood is Godhood. Our purpose here on earth is to become more like Him, one step of that is having a family. Families and children are extremely important to me and will always hold a special place in my heart. I will never hold off having children, what a great blessing it will be once I have them.

Welcome to my blog!

This is the first blog that I have ever made, I think it's kind of fun! It is the beginning of a new year and I want to start things of right. My new years resolution is to become more Christ-like. So far, it is going great! I came across a scripture the other night I found in the Book of Mormon ( http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm?lang=eng). In 3 Nephi 12:6 it reads, "And blessed are all they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost." This impressed me because I have really been trying to feel the spirit more in my life and for some reason this scripture hit me so hard. It is such a simple concept with such incredible power! Christ is the epitome of righteousness. Applying this to my life each day has made a huge difference. Personally, I feel like when we earnestly keep the commandments we are happy people, but when we don't we are not as happy. It is just that simple, you do what is right and you will be happy. Granted, it is not easy to always so the right thing but I testify that when we earnestly try doing the right thing our Father in Heaven notices and will pour out His blessings on us. I hope we can all strive to be more Christ-like this year!